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It’s 6pm ... do you know where your little ones are? What about at 9am? And 4pm? And how about 10pm? Some parents want to know where their children are and what they are doing minute-by-minute, 24 hours a day — so they find out. The ways they do so just might amaze you (or maybe you’re doing it, too).
Welcome to the age of electronic monitoring.
Today’s youth face unique threats to an innocent childhood: Predators on the Internet. Unsavory instant messages (IMs) from your daughter’s so-called “friends.” The thrill of the (video) game. Parents today know that the more connected our kids are to the world at large, the more opportunities there are for them to wander — or to be led — astray. We know we need eyes in the back of our heads.
And so we engage in the delicate dance of balance, trust and responsibility. We try to give children the freedom to make mistakes, to learn and grow, while keeping them safe from influences that might pull them off track. Have we demanded too much? Have we asked too little? What does it mean to be in touch with our kids in today’s high-speed, cell phone and BlackBerry-driven, instant messenger era?
Desperate Housewives aside, it takes more than the busybody across the street to help watch out for your child’s safety in a connected world. But you don’t have to possess the tracking skills of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings to keep up, either. Modern parenting demands a blend of traditional involvement with a little new-fangled technology.
“IMing, cell phones, e-mail and the like afford parents tremendous peace of mind when it comes to contacting their children,” says Vicki Courtney, author of Logged In and Tuned Out: A Non-Techie’s Guide to Parenting a Tech-Savvy Generation. “For example, I don't have to keep a list of my kids' friends' numbers in order to track them down or worry that my daughter is running a few minutes late after her curfew. I can dial their number or text them and know that I'm likely to get a speedy response, since they don't go anywhere without their phones.”
‘The goal is not to catch your child doing something bad’
It’s not just their cell phones that some kids can’t seem to shake. These kids are tracked and monitored — sometimes with their knowledge, sometimes without — by anxious parents seeking to reassure themselves that their kids are coloring inside the lines. Parents read e-mails, text and IM messages. They screen unauthorized phone calls to their kids’ phone on their own cell phones in real time. They even monitor their children’s whereabouts with Global Positioning System (GPS) tracking tucked into backpacks or clothing and mounted inside teenagers’ cars.
“Most people use devices out of curiosity,” explains Todd Morris, CEO of BrickHouse Security. “They want to see what happens when they’re not there. A lot of it comes down to peace of mind.”
Even when parents turn to heavy-handed forms of monitoring in response to situations where there’s at least a grain of doubt, Morris notes that the goal is not to catch your child doing something bad.
“The goal is to say, ‘Wow, what a good job she is doing,’” he explains. “Then you feel good, you work more productively, and you go home and enjoy your time with your children.”
Courtney rates the importance of monitoring a little more strongly along the scale of parental must-dos. “In my opinion, too much is at stake not to,” she declares. “To me, it seems irresponsible for parents not to monitor what their children are doing, especially online, when studies show that one in five children between the ages of 8 and 16 have been solicited for sex online.”
That said, Courtney recommends that monitoring software and technology only be used to spot-check a child's activities to ensure they are honoring boundaries and rules. “Parents have a right to know who their child's peer group is,” she affirms, “and now that we have been removed as the ‘gatekeeper’ to the home phone, we must adapt to new ways to keep a pulse on their peer group. Parents who stalk their child's every movement online and scour their messages to find out personal details (crushes, break-ups, standard preteen frustrations, etc.) need to examine their real motive in employing monitoring devices.”
Among the younger set, physical tracking devices set off an alarm when kids wander too far from parents at parks, grocery stores and shopping malls. They are invaluable to parents of children with special needs. BreeAnne Chadwick, of Carrollton, is a mother of six, including 10-year-old Andrew, who has Asperger’s syndrome. “Asperger’s kids are so socially vulnerable,” she sighs. “They’re easily misled by others who want to take advantage of them.” Foreseeing rough waters ahead for her gullible son, she says tracking and monitoring tools can alert her to situations when she needs to intervene. “If I know what’s going on,” she explains, “I can help him figure out what to do.”
“No clear cut answers …’
Parenting technology is ultimately not technical at all, claims Sharon Cindrich, author of E-parenting: Keeping Up With Your Tech-Savvy Kids. “It involves applying the basic parenting strategies we all apply to other areas of our children's lives: limits, boundaries, consequences and conversation,” she explains. “Parents need to set limits on time, apply boundaries, enforce consequences when limits and boundaries are crossed and talk early and often about the subject of technology.”
It’s beyond this point that experts disagree. Cindrich believes that tracking should never be a violation of trust and privacy. “Kids should never be tracked without their knowledge,” she asserts. “Parents should require that kids stick to an established plan, call when they arrive at their destination just to check in and be on time for curfews and deadlines. Regardless of tracking software, these are important tasks for kids to learn to establish credibility and earn respect. GPS is not a substitute for good parent/child communication.”
Others don’t see it that way. Morris advocates monitoring without letting on to the child. “If there is a problem, they’re not going to tell you,” he points out. “You want them to feel like you’ve given them the freedom to go climb a tree — but you’re still watching.”
Ultimately, parents have to weigh the pros and cons of monitoring their kids — with or without their knowledge — on their own. “There’s no clear-cut answer on keeping things secret,” notes Michael Dear of Spy Centre, a security gear provider with several Dallas-area locations. “Most of the time, you get a gut feeling. Patterns change. Something’s different. If anything’s changed, it’s time to check out what’s going on.”
‘You don’t have to be a technological whiz’
The experts do agree on one thing: parents should get involved in their children’s lives and the people and technologies in them. “My biggest concern is that parents are too afraid, that fear often deters them from exploring the Internet and discourages them from exploring it with their child, effectively losing a valuable teaching opportunity,” Cindrich asserts. “Parents need to educate themselves — use e-mail, play games, IM, learn to text, create a MySpace page — so they have an understanding as to what their kids are doing.”
You don’t have to be a technological whiz. “We find parents are less computer-literate than their children,” explains Michael Callahan of NoodleNet, a Plano-based company that offers a safe computer desktop environment for young children “They’re turning over the controls to their kids. We’ve made parental controls very simple for this reason. It has to be simple, for parents with limited time, and convenient.”
Find the Right Allies
Online support, software and devices can help you set limits and create safe boundaries — even when you’re not there.
• Let kids send instant messages on all the major IM platforms while you set allowed hours for use and maximum time controls with Zipit’s wireless instant messaging device. (www.zipitwireless.com)
• Monitor instant messages in real time with software that targets key phrases used by child predators. (www.imsafer.com)
• Safeguard kids on the computer with NoodleNet’s age-appropriate desktop and Internet filtering for children. (www.noodlenet.com)
• See not only what the babysitter’s doing with your infant but also, later on, what the kids are up to when left alone with “nanny cams.” (www.brickhousesecurity.com)
• Sound the alarm when your little one wanders beyond your selected distance at the park, mall or grocery store with proximity bracelets. (www.brickhousesecurity.com)
• Limit your child’s incoming and outgoing cell phone calls, monitor mobile e-mails and texting, set usage curfews and more. (www.mymobilewatchdog.com)
• Offer an unsearchable MySpace alternative. (www.familylobby.com. www.imbee.com)
• Block inappropriate Web sites with Internet filters like Safe Eyes, which also offer time controls and IM monitoring. (www.internetsafety.com)
• Control content and time access on game consoles (including the Nintendo Wii), as well as online games like World of Warcraft, allow. Your cable or TV probably also includes parental control features. (www.controlyourtv.org)
Get the Right Tracking Tools
Track down the kids and check up on what they’re doing with these James Bond-esque tools.
GPS systems
Some are small enough to fit inside backpacks or pockets and allow you to track your kids in real time. (www.brickhousesecurity.com, www.gpsnanny.com)
Alltrack
Automatically receive alerts if your teen driver crosses pre-set boundaries or speeds and even allows you to remotely honk the horn or flash the lights until your young driver corrects his behavior. (www.alltrackusa.com)
Cell phone-based GPS tracking
Check with your provider for details on the device.
Keyloggers
Small devices record every keystroke your child makes on the family computer, so you can see exactly where she went and what she said. (www.advancedcameratech.com)
SIM card readers
Pop out and review every text message and call on your child’s cell phone. (www.advancedcameratech.com)
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